7 Ways People-Pleasing Robs Your Joy (and How to Take It Back)
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When Saying “Yes” Feels Like Love But Leaves You Empty
After my mother passed away, I slipped into a pattern I didn’t even recognize as unhealthy at first. I felt this unspoken responsibility to always be there for my siblings. If they called, I went. If they asked, I said yes—even when my heart knew it wasn’t wise, sustainable, or healthy.
On the surface, it looked like love. But deep down, I was exhausted, resentful, and slowly losing my joy.
It wasn’t until I began spending intentional time with God—journaling, praying, and meditating on His Word—that I realized something freeing: much of the pressure I felt wasn’t even real. My siblings didn’t expect me to carry every burden. I had built that expectation myself.
And here’s what surprised me most: when I stopped saying yes to everything and began trusting God with my boundaries, my family relationships didn’t crumble. They actually became healthier. And I felt free—free to enjoy my siblings, free to live my purpose, and free to walk in joy again.
Maybe you’ve been there too—saying yes because you’re afraid of letting someone down, or worried about rejection. Friend, you don’t have to keep living that way. People-pleasing may look like love, but it quietly steals the joy God longs for you to have. Let’s walk through 7 ways it does that—and what it looks like to take your joy back.
1. Exhaustion from Overcommitting
When we’re addicted to yes, our schedules overflow but our souls run dry. Jesus never asked us to carry that weight.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28
Take It Back: Protect margin.
Walking it out: A straightforward practice that changed everything for me was declaring one night a week “off-limits.” I call it my “holy pause.” No commitments, no extra yeses—just space to rest, read, or be still with God. For me, reading The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry gave language to what my soul already craved: slowing down and letting God refill me.
2. Losing Your Identity
People-pleasing blurs who we are. When our worth is tied to approval, we forget God’s truth about us.
“For in Him we live and move and have our being.” – Acts 17:28
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” – Galatians 1:10
Take It Back: Speak life over yourself.
Walking it out: Each morning, I started with one simple affirmation: “In Him I live and move and have my being—I don’t need anyone else’s approval to be whole.” Saying this daily shifted how I showed up for others. I wasn’t trying to prove myself anymore—I was grounded in God’s love. A devotional called I Am: A 60-Day Journey to Knowing Who You Are Because of Who He Is gave me daily reminders to keep anchoring my identity in Christ.
3. Resentment in Relationships
Every time we say yes with a grumbling heart, resentment sneaks in. And resentment poisons the joy God wants us to have in our relationships.
“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:7
Take It Back: Give from overflow, not obligation.
Walking it out: Before committing, I pause and ask myself: “Will this yes be given with joy, or will it plant resentment?” That one question has saved me countless sleepless nights. Journaling through these moments helped me see patterns. Writing down the times I felt resentful revealed where I was saying yes for approval, not love.
4. Disconnection from God’s Purpose
When we’re chasing everyone’s approval, we lose focus on the one calling that truly matters: God’s.
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10
Take It Back: Filter Your ‘Yes’ Through God’s Purpose.
Walking it out: I began asking God a simple question: “Lord, is this my assignment or someone else’s?” This helped me release opportunities that weren’t meant for me to carry. Reading The Purpose Driven Life reminded me that life isn’t about saying yes to everything, but about saying yes to what God uniquely designed me for.
5. Fear of Rejection Controls Your Choices
This is a big one. People-pleasing often stems from fear—the fear of being rejected, left out, or unloved. But God didn’t give us a spirit of fear.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
Take It Back: Start small with no.
Walking it out: I practiced saying no in low-stakes situations. “No, I can’t pick up that extra shift.” “No, I can’t come to that event.” Each small no built my courage. Over time, I realized the people who truly loved me respected my boundaries. A book that may open your eyes in this area is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend—it provides a practical, godly language for what you heart may be needing.
6. Perfectionism and Shame
For people-pleasers, every slip-up feels like a failure. We equate mistakes with worthlessness. But that’s not God’s heart.
“There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” – Romans 8:1
Take It Back: Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection.
Walking it out: At the end of each day, I wrote down three small wins instead of rehashing all I didn’t do. Over time, that retrained my brain to focus on grace over guilt. One book that will shift your perspective is Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist—it will remind you how God delights in presence, not perfection.
7. Anxiety and Burnout
When we’re caught in the endless cycle of yes, our hearts race with anxiety. God offers peace, but people-pleasing chokes it out.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God… will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6–7
Take It Back: Practice the Rhythms of Peace.
Walking it out: Whenever anxiety bubbled up about disappointing someone, I stopped to breathe—three slow breaths in and out—and prayed, “Lord, guard my heart with Your peace.” Using a guided Prayer Journal for Women made it easier to release those anxious thoughts daily and notice God’s peace taking root in my heart.
Living Free in God’s Joy
Friend, people-pleasing doesn’t have to write your story. Like me, you may discover that the fears fueling your yeses aren’t even real. God’s love is steady. His joy is unshakable. And He invites you to trade your constant striving for the freedom to live loved.
You don’t have to prove your worth by saying yes. You are already enough in Christ.
Next Step
Take 15 minutes today to write in your journal. Write this prompt: “Where has people-pleasing stolen my joy, and what one step can I take this week to invite God’s freedom back in?”
And suppose this message stirred something in your heart. In that case, I’d love for you to read more about overcoming people-pleasing and explore more biblical encouragement for building Christian confidence and learning how to set healthy boundaries.
Joy is your inheritance in Christ. It’s time to take it back.
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